Gotta Get Along: a GBGC Original for Election Year

Ah, it's that time again - presidential election year. The time when some of your friends expose themselves as vicious inhumane monsters, going against everything that you've ever held to be just and true. Well, rest assured, they're probably more afraid of you than you are of them. And both of you are claiming to be the more civil one, despite both of you spitting and spouting out opinions on the internet from the safe bunker of your own living rooms. You can't imagine what the world will be like if "the other guy" (or gal, as the case may be) wins. I've already vowed never to step foot in my homeland again should that occur, but in actuality, I suppose the world won't implode on itself. I do like a good spittin' match every now again, though, ruffling feathers and talking things out. 

Just for fun, I'll leave you with these utopian parting words:

JILL STEIN FOR PRESIDENT of the US 2012!!!

Now go vote!

And yes, those are my relatives, singing in perfect harmony: Totally Flawsome!
lyrics property of Grahamophone

Whether you’re an elephant or a donkey

a black man or a honky

the truth is we all gotta get along

Whether you’re Kirk Cameron or Bob Saget

a straight guy or a :fabulous guy

the truth is we all gotta get along

Gotta get along, gotta get along

gotta get along to sing this song.

To sing this song 

we all gotta get along....

Whether you think there’s global warming,

or that ice caps still keep forming 

the truth is we all gotta get along

Even if your faith isn’t in compliance 

with the principles of science

the truth is we all gotta get along

CHORUS

Talkin’ about Welfare, Healthcare, and Education

Talkin’ about Environment, Retirement and Immigration

Talkin’ about Tax Breaks, Job Stakes, and legalizing marijuana 

Talkin’ about Energy, Economy and closing Guatanamo!!

CHORUS

No matter how your vote’s a-swingin’

our voices still keep singin’

the truth is we all gotta get along

Gone Fishin' (for compliments)

In light of a recent premiere which got shred to pieces in the press (not moi, mind you, just in general), I thought it was time to finally finish this little ditty. It was written sometime in May, and filmed during a heatwave in Frankfurt. The weather hasn’t been nearly as nice since, nor have I been in need of a compliment. Things have been going well.

But it’s always good to have a song like this ready for a rainy day when nothing seems to be going your way.

Big ol’ fish in a little ol’ sea

it was like swimming in the kiddie pool, full of pee

so i ventured out seeking treasure in the ocean.

Now I’m a little ol’ fish in a dog-eat-dog world

The things some people say could make your nose-hairs curl

Spoutin’ out opinions every time they have the notion.

Your guitar’s out of tune, your voice is too squeaky

you act kinda weird, and you dress kinda freaky.

These unsolicited points of view are really starting to bore me.

So do me favor, if you’d be so kind.

I’m gonna step out for bit, if you don’t mind

Here’s what you can say to anyone looking for me:

Tell ‘em I’ve gone fishin’ for compliments,

hang a sign up out on the wall:

“Gone Fishin’ for compliments”

If you can’t say something nice

don’t say nothing at all.

Got my bait and my tackle, but nothing’s bitin’

I don’t care, i’ll just stay here, I don’t feel like fightin’

Not going to fall for it - hook, line nor sinker

I’m gonna stay right here ‘til I’m out of worms

playing by my rules, making my own terms

and if you don’t like it, well then, you’re just a stinker

Yeah, I’ve gone fishin’ for compliments,

hung a sign up out on the wall:

Gone Fishin’ for compliments,

if you can’t say something nice

don’t say nothing at all. 

It's Not a Matter of Opinion

Even before a majority of voters in the state of North Carolina approved an amendment to ban gay marriage, even before Arizona’s governor Jan Brewer signed a bill which determines to save the lives of unborn children even before they have been conceived, I got involved in conversations concerning these same controversial topics. And these discussions were with people whom I consider to be dear friends. 

Once we got over the shock of our differences in opinions, we were able to meet on common ground about some things. But still other things are open to debate. I hold fast to the notion (notice I didn’t say “I believe”) that there are certain things which cannot be argued. Much like the fact that two plus two is four, there are certain truths which I hold to be self-evident (thank you, Thomas Jefferson).

Therefore it baffles me that certain civil, yea verily, human rights can be put up to a vote. Isn’t it obvious that people should be allowed to live and let love? Apparently, it’s not. 

I’d like to thank my friends who were willing to enter these discourses with me - I’ve considered your viewpoints as well, never ye fear. And, wouldn’t you know, I’ve found that the biggest problem is being uncomfortable with the unknown. The more you know, the less you fear. 

Still, in the end, someone has to budge. I just hope and pray that you budge in my direction.

Peace, out. 

Good Enough (shoulda, coulda, woulda)

This song is about several things, really, so don't try to discern any particular incident. It's about making mistakes that no one notices, but still yearning to do better. It's about surrounding yourself with people who understand that, and saying goodbye to those who don't, without regret. 

It's about achieving that perfect balance of being in the right place in the right time, and being in the company of those who make your world magical, and not just mediocre. Nobody is perfect, but my theory is, when you get to where you are meant to be, it will be good enough. 

Any questions? Lyrics below (property of The Grahamophone)

For you it’s good enough, for them it’s good enough

but for me ..... it’s not good enough

I don’t care if no one knows, how it really goes,

can’t you see.... i know it’s not good enough

because i know i...

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

They say I’m a big star, I’ll surely go far.

So when do we leave? .... Am I not good enough?

It’s not me, it’s you. So I know what I gotta do

I can’t stay here ... you’re not good enough.

because you didn’t think I...

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

I know to be great I have to pull my own weight,

Struggle and race against the tide.

don’t wanna swim in a sea of mediocrity, 

where dilettantes will always be satisfied.

I know it’s ridiculous to be so meticulous

but that’s the only way ... it’ll be good enough

So let go of my hand, until you understand

to come with me ... you gotta be good enough.

because i never wanna say i ....

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

I wanna take my peanut butter to meet the chocolate
and shake my coconut with the lime. (doctor!)
I’ll never give up and i don’t know what to say here,
but I know in my perfect world it will rhyme...

Keep your eyes on the prize until you realize that

where you’re meant be .... it’ll be good enough.

Peace Out: a Retrospective of 2011

Sorry if I ruined your holiday mood with this rather blunt and harrowing retrospective of the year of our Lord 2011, but these are the facts, ma’am, just the facts. Regardless of religion, the preferred methods of violence this year seem to be rioting, shooting people in the head and, coming in third, pepper-spraying.

And regardless of religion, people just don’t seem to learn. There’s nothing we can do about the hurricanes, tornadoes and earthquakes (well, except blame them on the gays), but it seems there’s a lot we can still do about the other stuff. Let’s begin by trying with all our might to stop shooting people in the head.

In my own weird way, I consider myself somewhat of a journalist, which is why I aim to give you the facts in a concise, accurate, timely fashion. Ergo I must publish this without a diatribe, as it is meant to be my official GBGC X-MAS video!

Peace, out. See you in 2012!!

GBGC Original - If I Had A Boyfriend (track #71)

For those of you who have been following me, you know that the vast majority of my technological equipment was stolen a couple months ago (see previous video).

This put a pretty big fork in operations here at Grahamophone’s Bad Guitar Channel, so I apologize for the delay in getting the next video out. At last I have replenished all my equipment - in fact the quality of the microphone and camera in the new MacBook Pro is pretty good, almost TOO good - and the creative juices are flowing again. But never ye fear - the GBGC videos and songs will never lose their homespun touch, and the bad guitar will never, ever be in tune (see Track #7 “Totally Flawsome”).

This little ditty has been going around in my head for the past several weeks, after having survived the shock of the robbery and getting back into my old routines. I realized that, although I was afforded an opportunity for a fresh start (which I have partially taken advantage of), and although I would like to have someone to share this fresh start with, I am pretty darn happy sitting home alone, farting or whatever, whenever the spirit moves me. So to speak.

Here I Am at the Apple Store - a letter to Steve Jobs from GBGC

 Just ten days before my birthday, all my cherished Mac equipment was stolen. The following song (lyrics below) says it all:

p.s. Please be patient while GBGC Studios gets back on its feet again!

Addendum:  Just hours after posting this video, I learned that Steve Jobs resigned from his position as CEO of Apple.  GBGC wishes Mr. Jobs all the best, and hopes that, in his new position as chairman, he will continue to be a creative inspiration in the world of computers. Mac macht's möglich!



Dear Mr. Jobs,

You don't know me, I sing opera professionally. In fact, I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. I took my laptop wherever I went; working on my website was time well spent. And this is the matter that concerns you.

You see, the other day when I was at work, I fell victim to a thieving jerk who snuck in through the back door at the cafe. He emptied our bags of all they were worth, then disappeared off the face of the Earth. No one's ever treated me that way.

So here I am at the Apple Store. I don't have a MacBook no more. They took it from me while I wasn't looking, out from the kitchen where nothing was cooking. Ain't nobody ever done me so wrong, and so I wrote you this little song. Dear Mr. Jobs, won't you please send a new MacBook to me.

As if that wasn't bad enough, they also took some other stuff, like an iPod Touch with fancy In-Ear Headphones. Yes, an iPod Touch with 8 gigabytes and cool apps like Skype and Flashlight, so I could always find my way home.

So here I am in the Apple Store. I don't have my iPod no more. He took it out of my purse and left me my keys. You can have my house, just give me my iPod back, please, so I can play Scrabble while I'm on the road and listen to my favorite NPR shows. This American Life is hard to believe. Give me an iPod, Steve.

I bet you didn't expect to hear a third verse. My sob story just keeps getting worse. The MacBook and the iPod weren't the only things stolen. That bastard took my external hard drive and now I want him - dead or alive - to "back up" into my hand until his ass is swollen.

So here I am in the Apple Store. Heck, I don't even have an external hard drive no more. I wish I could climb into that Time Machine and catch that guy who swiped me clean of Breaking Bad, Mad Men and Weeds, and yes, even a season of Glee, not to mention my work: my writing, my singing, my whole life's oeuvre.

I got a bit frustrated, I'll admit, when iMovie would always unexpectedly quit, and I couldn't open certain types of files. But I've always been an Apple girl - the thought of a PC just makes me want to hurl. But dreaming of my MacBook makes me smile.

So here I am at the Apple Store. I know you can't give me my pictures no more, nor letters from my family, recordings of my voice. But what can I do? I have no choice. Dear Mr. Jobs, you know how I feel. My love for Apple is something very real. A MacBook, a hard drive, an iPod Touch is all that I want - am I asking too much? I just don't have two thousand bucks. I got talent and a dream, but otherwise my life pretty much sucks. So dear Mr. Jobs, I'm down on my knees, send me a new MacBook, please.

Yours truly,
gbgc