Linger on ... a GBGC Tribute to Lou Reed

A friend invited me to partake in a Lou Reed Memorial Party the other night. I quickly set up my iPhone camera to record my humble offering, but I managed to cut off my head and focus on my less flattering features. So, I decided to recreate the moment and preserve it in the annals of Grahamophone’s Bad Guitar Channel. It’s been over two years since I’ve done a cover version, and this is as good occasion as any to try it again.

This is the second GBGC song using an actual ukulele -- and you might notice that I use the same key and accompanying motive as I did in the first one ("Desdemona"). But, as in every other cover version on the GBGC, I only steal from the best!

I cannot honestly say that Lou Reed and his Velvet Underground had much of an impact on my life, but it was an honor to play for those who couldn’t have imagined surviving their youth without him. Thanks, Dr. Sweet, Jane and friends!

Don't Lose This Connection! (GBGC got a new toy)

We've come a long way, baby.

Yes, I'm talking to you baby bad guitar. The poor little thing isn't even in this video much less the song! Time goes on, we get bigger and better toys and forget about the little one we love so much. Well, I haven't forgotten. I never forget.

But, boy, am I having fun with my new MIDI-to-USB cable that enables me to hook up my digital piano directly to my computer! That means I can play to my heart's desire (which is exactly what happened in this song and it turned out perfect -- well, ALMOST perfect). I did correct a sour note here and there, and I've still got a lot to learn about the whole get up because, despite click-track, I sped up as I went along and then had to fudge the software drums a bit. Pandemonium ensues at the end, but by that time it won't matter.

This isn't your typical GBGC track, but it was a venture into new territory. At times, it's a bit too Bruce Hornsby-y or Bob Segery for me. It is what it is, and I hope the person I wrote it for likes it nevertheless.

I still love you, you little red guitar, you.

Oh, and why the blond wig? Who knows? I just felt like it. 

(And, as always, lyrics and music property of the grahamophone. Don't even try to steal it, or I know an elephant who will trample all over you.)

We just got started. Is it already done?
Our plans got interrupted, but I’ve still got some.
Out of sight, out of mind.
But you know I’m one of a kind.

baby, don’t lose, don’t lose this connection

I thought we’d leave it up to fate, wait and see.
And now I’m getting impatient, but it’s not up to me.
I need your help. I can’t do this all by myself.

baby, don’t lose, don’t lose this connection
because I’m the closest thing you’ll find to perfection
so don’t wait, or it’ll be too late

I’m like a elephant, I never forget.
I’ll trample over anything in the way of what I want to get.
So go away if you must(h),
but how could you forget about us?

baby, don’t lose, don’t lose this connection
because it’s the closest thing we’ll find to perfection
so don’t wait. 
Keep going.

Dating a Rock Star

It took me 21 takes to get the guitar part right for this song, therefore I have about a gazillion minutes of footage for the video (Glück im Unglück). I had to massage, stretch and ice my left forearm for all the damage that did. Not that I’m complaining, I’m just saying, it’s harder than it looks to become a rock star. 21 guitar takes was just the beginning - then there was the vocals, backup vocals, percussion, bass line, etc. etc. etc. ...

What with the myriad of platforms for today’s independent artists (myspace, soundcloud, cdbaby, reverbnation, bandcamp, facebook, twitter, kickstarter, whatever...), it really takes an indefatigable dedication to your cause to even be a drop in the deluge of musicians out there trying to make a buck. 

I’m not trying to be a rock star, although, if I’d listened to my heart when I was 18, I may have been one by now (isn’t this your story, too?). Instead, I’m an opera singer, and I ain’t too shabby at it, either. People see this supposed talent I have for writing songs, and they want me to do certain things with it. All I say is, when the time is right, the time will come. Right now, because the opera houses are on summer vacation, I’ve got all the time in the world to write songs and still keep in touch, but the same is not necessarily true for my rockstar friends whose priorities lie elsewhere. 

Wishing all my musician friends much success. Don’t forget the little people!!

lyrics & music property of the grahamophone

I’m dating a rock star - but I can’t say his name

because my animal magnetism would distract from his fame

So I sit patiently behind closed doors

waiting for him to return from his tours

But he doesn’t remember to call me .... text me .... write me ...sex me

Because he's out making money - rocking the world 

oh my ‘honey’, gettin’ the girls

And maybe, baby, it’s a matter of time

‘til he comes home and he’s mine all mine.

When you’re dating a rock star, it’s best if you just join the band

sell tickets or t-shirts, or put a tambourine in your hand

Then you’re right by his side, watching his butt

and after the show, well, you know what 

And you won’t have to wait for him to call you ...text you ... write you ... sex you

You’re out there together, rockin’ the world

He’s your honey, and you’re his girl

‘cause he’s up there next to you on the stage

dancing and singing for girls half your age.

Just remember Ike and Tina

before too long he got meaner and meaner

There was no stronger love than Yoko and John,

but before he knew it, all his friends were gone. 

Two couples each in Fleetwood Mac and ABBA

Sid loved Nancy, but he still stabbed her

Sonny and Cher, Courtney and Kurt

no matter how you slice it, someone’s gonna get hurt.

  

If you’re dating a rock star.

forget everything that I’ve said

Round up your friends and grab a bad guitar

and start your own rock band instead

Then you won’t remember to call him ...text him ...write him ...sex him

You’ll be out making money, rockin’ the world

Gettin’ all the honeys, the guys and the girls

Competing with him for your place in the charts

No harm done and  no broken hearts.

Desdemona: how a little uke improved race relations at GBGC

Okay, so the first thing you might notice about this song is that there's a ukulele in it. Some of you faithful fans may have caught me using an anti-ukulele sentiment on occasion. I'm not saying the ukulele isn't a fabulous instrument, but I get annoyed because people are always calling my little bad guitar a ukulele.

Once and for all - it's not a ukulele!

I set out writing this song as part of a not-yet-officially started series of songs about operatic heroines (see The Queen of the Night here). I had a groove going, a melody and nothing else (i.e. no coherent thoughts). I even sought help from a friend of mine who is currently singing Desdemona, but the truth is, it’s hard to get into the psyche of a character unless you’ve played her yourself. And the descending flute melody you can hear is actually Leonora's "Pace, pace" and not Desdemona's "Salce, salce." This was going nowhere. So, now what? Discard it? 

Then current events intervened and showed me the direction the song should take. George Zimmerman was acquitted of murdering young Trayvon Martin. The essence of the Desdemona-Othello problem is not race, it’s jealousy. The essence of the Martin-Zimmerman problem may have been race, but may have also been fear. Yet neither of the victims deserved to die (but if no one dies in Shakespeare, it makes for an awfully boring story). Sadly, I suspect in decades to come people are going to forget about the murder trial, but people will still be reading Shakespeare.

So why did I use the ukulele all of sudden to express the voice of Desdemona? Was it because she, like the bad guitar, was misunderstood? Why Desdemona at all? Because she, like Trayvon Martin, was falsely accused and brutally, needlessly murdered? And why this song? To show the world that my relationship with a 4-stringed instrument can be just as sincere as that with a 6-stringed one?

   It might just be an innate sense for rhythm, rhyme and melody and a need to create. Like people today analyzing Shakespeare, in times to come no one will ever know what my true motives were.

lyrics and music property of the grahamophone:

desdemona

what’s your name?

paranoid mistrust 

suspicion unjust

-  insane

are you ashamed?

look past the skin

let the truth come in

try again 

who’s to blame?

but the hatred lies so deep

every willow shall weep

- the pain

we’re not the same

   

Look into your heart

and go back to the start 

of the game

Gonna make a (pop) star outta me yet!

I've been using GarageBand for years to make my little GBGC ditties. It's a program that enables you to record several tracks, put effects on the them, adjust volume ... basically anything. Just recently, my computer-savvy sister showed me some more features like the Apple Loops and Musical Keyboard (enabling you to play your computer keyboard like a piano). I fooled around with the pre-fab loops some before, but the notion that I could change pitch and, basically, compose with this program was undiscovered territory. 

We had also been talking about how simple some popular songs are, musically, and we wondered how easy it may be to pen the next Eurovision Song Contest winner, or create Adele's next hit. 

And who do I have to call to make this happen? Please advise ...

In the meantime, here's the digital abomination of one of my most heartfelt acoustic songs. I guess it doesn't completely bother me that people are preferring this version to the original (which was never really "mastered" by the way. Just sayin' ....)

Wednesday Morning 4 a.m. A GBGC Quickie Original

Every artist needs an ambiguous sad song. Here's mine:


Wednesday morning 4 a.m.

I could feel you strugglin’
You had me worried, I wasn’t sure
Would you be the poison or be the cure

Wednesday morning 4 a.m.

Thursday all day, wonderin’
And then by Friday afternoon,
I was almost convinced you could never come too soon.

Friday evening was the end.

Will you ever come again?
Did you think you’d be disappointed?
Did you think I wouldn’t see it through?

Maybe you know me better than I do.

Who am I supposed to tell my stories to?
The decision is out of my control,
now I’m bleeding from the depths of my soul.

Wednesday morning 4 a.m.
Maybe I was only dreaming
of stupidity and love and other demons,
of unexpected answers to fill the void,
the magic gift that others have enjoyed.
Curtains close and worlds collide;
it might’ve worked, we might’ve tried for you.

Slow Song: A GBGC Quickie Original

This has been a wacky year. I'm just very, very discombobulated. I've got a thousand ideas flitting about in my head, a bunch of things to do, but don't seem to be able figure out where to channel the energy or lack thereof. I think this little ditty sums it up:

How to Play the Mandolin

Just when I thought I might never get another inspiration for a GBGC song, something came in the mail. It was a box so big, I thought a person might be in it. What it was, however, was a very carefully packed mandolin. A very dear friend gave it to me for Christmas because he knew I would know how to take care of it. I had no idea at the time what an adventure it would become to make use of what turned out to be, for most, a useless instrument.

I haven’t the slightest idea how to play the mandolin (okay, now a bit more than one week ago), and it took a lot of research and help from an expert to get the thing to sound as “good” as it does here. The mandolin is a very intricate and delicate instrument. The nut and the bridge are held in place only by the tension of the strings, and if they’re not in good shape, the performance is off.

This particular mandolin, much like the Bad Guitar, also has an innate mechanical flaw of its very own. It has an extra half a fret at the top of the neck, making the half-step improbable if not impossible. When I discovered that, I knew that this instrument was Totally Flawsome! ® and that it was now my duty to do more with it than just hang it up on the wall as decoration.

And so it came to pass, that the Bad Guitar found a mate. The Bad Mandonlin has a song of its very own, a metaphor for the failing mechanics of the human body and soul and the futility of reparation. 

lyrics property of grahamophone:

How do I play this mandolin?

It seems to be in even worse shape than I’m in

Dropped by an angel right before he fell,

and while he was falling he forgot to tell me

how to play this mandolin..

The lute player said, “well, you just have to tune it.”        

That’s easy to say- why don’t you try to do it.

It’s all fun and games ‘til one loses an eye,

I turn and I turn, and I try and I try, but oh 

why do I play this mandolin?

The grooves are too deep ‘cause the frets are all worn,

just like I fret at the dawn of each morn;

The neck it is warped and the bridge misaligned,

Who knows how many more faults I will find

if I try to play this mandolin.

I’ve checked the loose nut and I’ve checked the string’s gauge,

but this poor mandolin’s really showing its age;

the eight tuning pegs are all wound up and tight,

and if I’m not careful I’ll be up all night wondering

how to play this mandolin.

The body is weak and the saddle is tilted;

My spirit is meek and my heart has been jilted.

From the head to the tailpiece and to the F-hole,

there isn’t an angel who can save my soul

(CHORUS) 

So I dusted it off and I found some new strings

and I started to concentrate on other things

I tried prayers and magic and incantations

But this mandolin has its own intonation

Ah!

Just like me, it’s intrinsically flawed

but that doesn’t mean that it’s not loved by God

Lucifer, Michael or Rafael

or whoever dropped it, I pray that you tell me

(CHORUS)

Gotta Get Along: a GBGC Original for Election Year

Ah, it's that time again - presidential election year. The time when some of your friends expose themselves as vicious inhumane monsters, going against everything that you've ever held to be just and true. Well, rest assured, they're probably more afraid of you than you are of them. And both of you are claiming to be the more civil one, despite both of you spitting and spouting out opinions on the internet from the safe bunker of your own living rooms. You can't imagine what the world will be like if "the other guy" (or gal, as the case may be) wins. I've already vowed never to step foot in my homeland again should that occur, but in actuality, I suppose the world won't implode on itself. I do like a good spittin' match every now again, though, ruffling feathers and talking things out. 

Just for fun, I'll leave you with these utopian parting words:

JILL STEIN FOR PRESIDENT of the US 2012!!!

Now go vote!

And yes, those are my relatives, singing in perfect harmony: Totally Flawsome!
lyrics property of Grahamophone

Whether you’re an elephant or a donkey

a black man or a honky

the truth is we all gotta get along

Whether you’re Kirk Cameron or Bob Saget

a straight guy or a :fabulous guy

the truth is we all gotta get along

Gotta get along, gotta get along

gotta get along to sing this song.

To sing this song 

we all gotta get along....

Whether you think there’s global warming,

or that ice caps still keep forming 

the truth is we all gotta get along

Even if your faith isn’t in compliance 

with the principles of science

the truth is we all gotta get along

CHORUS

Talkin’ about Welfare, Healthcare, and Education

Talkin’ about Environment, Retirement and Immigration

Talkin’ about Tax Breaks, Job Stakes, and legalizing marijuana 

Talkin’ about Energy, Economy and closing Guatanamo!!

CHORUS

No matter how your vote’s a-swingin’

our voices still keep singin’

the truth is we all gotta get along

Gone Fishin' (for compliments)

In light of a recent premiere which got shred to pieces in the press (not moi, mind you, just in general), I thought it was time to finally finish this little ditty. It was written sometime in May, and filmed during a heatwave in Frankfurt. The weather hasn’t been nearly as nice since, nor have I been in need of a compliment. Things have been going well.

But it’s always good to have a song like this ready for a rainy day when nothing seems to be going your way.

Big ol’ fish in a little ol’ sea

it was like swimming in the kiddie pool, full of pee

so i ventured out seeking treasure in the ocean.

Now I’m a little ol’ fish in a dog-eat-dog world

The things some people say could make your nose-hairs curl

Spoutin’ out opinions every time they have the notion.

Your guitar’s out of tune, your voice is too squeaky

you act kinda weird, and you dress kinda freaky.

These unsolicited points of view are really starting to bore me.

So do me favor, if you’d be so kind.

I’m gonna step out for bit, if you don’t mind

Here’s what you can say to anyone looking for me:

Tell ‘em I’ve gone fishin’ for compliments,

hang a sign up out on the wall:

“Gone Fishin’ for compliments”

If you can’t say something nice

don’t say nothing at all.

Got my bait and my tackle, but nothing’s bitin’

I don’t care, i’ll just stay here, I don’t feel like fightin’

Not going to fall for it - hook, line nor sinker

I’m gonna stay right here ‘til I’m out of worms

playing by my rules, making my own terms

and if you don’t like it, well then, you’re just a stinker

Yeah, I’ve gone fishin’ for compliments,

hung a sign up out on the wall:

Gone Fishin’ for compliments,

if you can’t say something nice

don’t say nothing at all. 

It's Not a Matter of Opinion

Even before a majority of voters in the state of North Carolina approved an amendment to ban gay marriage, even before Arizona’s governor Jan Brewer signed a bill which determines to save the lives of unborn children even before they have been conceived, I got involved in conversations concerning these same controversial topics. And these discussions were with people whom I consider to be dear friends. 

Once we got over the shock of our differences in opinions, we were able to meet on common ground about some things. But still other things are open to debate. I hold fast to the notion (notice I didn’t say “I believe”) that there are certain things which cannot be argued. Much like the fact that two plus two is four, there are certain truths which I hold to be self-evident (thank you, Thomas Jefferson).

Therefore it baffles me that certain civil, yea verily, human rights can be put up to a vote. Isn’t it obvious that people should be allowed to live and let love? Apparently, it’s not. 

I’d like to thank my friends who were willing to enter these discourses with me - I’ve considered your viewpoints as well, never ye fear. And, wouldn’t you know, I’ve found that the biggest problem is being uncomfortable with the unknown. The more you know, the less you fear. 

Still, in the end, someone has to budge. I just hope and pray that you budge in my direction.

Peace, out. 

Good Enough (shoulda, coulda, woulda)

This song is about several things, really, so don't try to discern any particular incident. It's about making mistakes that no one notices, but still yearning to do better. It's about surrounding yourself with people who understand that, and saying goodbye to those who don't, without regret. 

It's about achieving that perfect balance of being in the right place in the right time, and being in the company of those who make your world magical, and not just mediocre. Nobody is perfect, but my theory is, when you get to where you are meant to be, it will be good enough. 

Any questions? Lyrics below (property of The Grahamophone)

For you it’s good enough, for them it’s good enough

but for me ..... it’s not good enough

I don’t care if no one knows, how it really goes,

can’t you see.... i know it’s not good enough

because i know i...

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

They say I’m a big star, I’ll surely go far.

So when do we leave? .... Am I not good enough?

It’s not me, it’s you. So I know what I gotta do

I can’t stay here ... you’re not good enough.

because you didn’t think I...

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

I know to be great I have to pull my own weight,

Struggle and race against the tide.

don’t wanna swim in a sea of mediocrity, 

where dilettantes will always be satisfied.

I know it’s ridiculous to be so meticulous

but that’s the only way ... it’ll be good enough

So let go of my hand, until you understand

to come with me ... you gotta be good enough.

because i never wanna say i ....

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

Shoulda done, Coulda done, Woulda done more.

I wanna take my peanut butter to meet the chocolate
and shake my coconut with the lime. (doctor!)
I’ll never give up and i don’t know what to say here,
but I know in my perfect world it will rhyme...

Keep your eyes on the prize until you realize that

where you’re meant be .... it’ll be good enough.